A Lawyer's Billing #joke #humor

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party.

Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.

After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?"

"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.

The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.

When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

Believing in Life After Death? #joke #humor

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

"Yes, Sir." the new recruit replied.

"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."

Timmy, Where's Your Homework? #joke #humor

"Timmy, where's your homework?" Miss Smith said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand.

"My dog ate it," was Timmy's solemn response.

"Timmy, I've been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?"

"It's true, Miss Smith I swear," insisted Timmy. "I had to force him, but he ate it!"

The Politician and the Woman #joke #humor

The politician said to a woman, "You sure do look beautiful today!!!!"

The woman replied, "Thanks, but unfortunately I could not say the same to you."

"Sure you could!!" said the politician, "if you could lie as well as I do!"

Playing Country Music Backwards #joke #humor

What happens when you sing country / western music backwards?

You get your wife, your car, your dog, and your job back.

Math Class for Jimmy #joke #humor

The math teacher saw that little Jimmy wasn't paying attention in class.

She called on him and said, "Jimmy! what are 24, 11, 4 and 44?"

Little Johnny quickly replied, "ESPN, FOX, NBC and the Nickelodeon!"

The Rich Man and His Rolex Watch #joke #humor

A rich man opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the yuppie was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeeemer!!!", he whined.

"You rich people are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!", retorted the officer. "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"

"Oh my goodness...," replied the rich man, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex?!!!!!"

Four Engineers were traveling in a car...

There are four engineers traveling in a car;:

A mechanical engineer
A chemical engineer
An electrical engineer
A computer engineer.

The car breaks down.

“Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We’ll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again”, says the mechanical engineer.

“Well”, says the chemical engineer, “it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system.”

“I thought it might be a grounding problem”, says the electrical engineer, “or maybe a faulty plug lead.”

They all turn to the computer engineer who has said nothing and say: “Well, what do you think?”

“Ummm perhaps if we all get out of the car and get back in again?”