A blind man in a store #Joke #Humor

Thursday, April 17, 2014

(0) Comments



A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog. All of a sudden, he picks up the leash and begins swinging the dog over his head. The manager runs up to the man and asks,

"What are you doing?!!" The blind man replies,

"Just looking around."

Catching many fish #Joke #Humor

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

(0) Comments



A fisherman returned to shore with a giant marlin that was bigger and heavier than he. On the way to the cleaning shed, he ran into a second fisherman who had a stringer with a dozen baby minnows. The second fisherman looked at the marlin, turned to the first fisherman and said,

"Only caught one, eh?"

2 Doors #Joke #Humor

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

(0) Comments



Why does a chicken coop only have 2 doors?

Because if it had 4, it would be chicken sedan.

$8 BILL #Joke #Humor

Monday, April 14, 2014

(0) Comments



A crook mistakenly made a counterfeit $8 bill instead of a $10 bill. He decided to try it out anyway. He went to the teller at the local bank and asked for change. The teller looked at the $8 bill and gave the crook two $4 bills as change.

We could have been here sooner #Joke #Humor

Sunday, April 13, 2014

(0) Comments



An elderly couple were killed in an accident and found themselves being given a tour of heaven by Saint Peter.

"Here is your ocean-side condo, over there are the tennis courts, swimming pool, and two golf courses. If you need any refreshments, just stop by any of the many bars located throughout the area."

"Heck, Gloria,"

the old man hissed when Saint Peter walked off,

"we could have been here ten years ago if you hadn't heard about all that stupid oat bran, wheat germ, and low-fat diets!"

What should they say? #Joke #Humor

Saturday, April 12, 2014

(0) Comments



Three buddies die in a car crash, and they go to heaven to an orientation.

They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you?"

The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."

The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."

The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say, "Look! He's moving!"

Why did he fire you? #Joke #Humor

Friday, April 11, 2014

(0) Comments



Two neighbors were talking about work, when one asked,

"Say, why did the foreman fire you?" Replied the second,

"Well, you know how a foreman is always standing around and watching others do the work. My foreman got jealous. People started thinking I was the foreman."

Wealthy investors #Joke #Humor

Thursday, April 10, 2014

(0) Comments



A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank manager,

"I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones, who I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours." The banker said,

"Yes he certainly was trusted. And he will be tried as soon as we catch him."

Texan with a new car #Joke #Humor

Wednesday, April 09, 2014

(0) Comments



Three cowboys were hanging out in the bunkhouse.

"I know that smart aleck Tex," said the first.

"He's going to start bragging about that new foreign car he bought as soon as he gets back."

"Not Tex," the second cowboy replied. "He'll always be just a good cool boy. When he walks in, I'm sure all he'll say is hello."

"I know Tex better than either of you," said the third.

"He's so smart, he'll figure out a way to do both. Here he comes now."

Tex swung open the bunkhouse door and shouted,

"Audi, partners!"

New submarine Ensign #Joke #Humor

Tuesday, April 08, 2014

(0) Comments



The new Ensign was assigned to subs, where he'd dreamed of working since a young boy. He was trying to impress the Master Chief with his expertise learned in Submarine School.  The Master Chief cut him off quickly and said,

"Listen, 'sir', it's real simple. Add the number of times we dive to the number of times we surface. Divide that number by two. If the result doesn't come out even, don't open the hatch."

Eating the piece of fruit #Joke #Humor

Monday, April 07, 2014

(0) Comments



Two Polish guys were taking their first train trip to Warsaw on the train. A vendor came down the corridor selling bananas which they'd never seen before. Each bought one. The first one eagerly peeled the banana and bit into it just as the train went into a tunnel. When the train emerged from the tunnel, he looked across to his friend and said,

"I wouldn't eat that if I were you."

"Why not?"

"I took one bite and went blind for half a minute."

Expert on parenting #Joke #Humor

Sunday, April 06, 2014

(0) Comments



On a flight to Florida, I was preparing my notes for one of the parent-education seminars I conduct as an educational psychologist. The elderly woman sitting next to me explained that she was returning to Miami after having spent two weeks visiting her six children, 18 grandchildren and ten great-grandchildren in Boston. Then she inquired what I did for a living. I told her, fully expecting her to question me for free professional advice.  Instead she sat back, picked up a magazine and said,

"If there's anything you want to know, just ask me."

Commanding the dumb #Joke #Humor

Saturday, April 05, 2014

(0) Comments



As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said,

"All right! All you dummies fall out."

As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow.

I smiled and said, "Sure was a lot of 'em, huh sir?"

CHOCOLATE SHELL TRICK #Joke #Humor

Friday, April 04, 2014

(0) Comments



A little boy and his grandfather rake leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole.

He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole."

The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a jar of chocolate ice cream topping. He coats the earthworm in the sauce until it is straight and stiff in a hard chocolate shell. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the chocolate sauce and runs into the house.

Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars.

The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars."

The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."

Child sent to bed #Joke #Humor

Thursday, April 03, 2014

(0) Comments



A small boy is sent to bed by his father...

[Five minutes later]  "Da-ad..."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"

"No. You had your chance. Lights out."

[Five minutes later]  "Da-aaaad..."

"WHAT?"

"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??"

"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"

[Five minutes later] "Daaaa-aaaAAAAD..."

"WHAT??!!"

"When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"