Daily Jokes - Everyday!

What happens when you sing country / western music backwards?

You get your wife, your car, your dog, and your job back.

What do you get when you play a County & Western song backwards?

You get your wife back.

You get your kids back.

You get your house back.

You get your truck back.

You get your dog back.

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Submitted by Ed Norton via Facebook Fan Page

Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later by a computer tech into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the tech called the farmer directly.

"Is it true Mr. (Smith) that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she asked.

"Yeth." lisped the farmer.

Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."

A man's car stalled on a country road one morning. When the man got out to fix it, a cow came along and stopped beside him.

"Your trouble is probably in the carburetor," said the cow.

Startled, the man jumped back and ran down the road until he met a farmer. The amazed man told the farmer his story.

"Was it a large red cow with a brown spot over the right eye?" asked the farmer. "Yes, yes," the man replied.

"Oh! I wouldn't listen to Bessie," said the farmer. "She doesn't know a thing about cars."

The local paper covers national and international headlines on one page but requires six pages for sports.

You think that deer season is a national holiday.

The definition of “rich” is to own a double-wide.

All the festivals you’ve been too are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.

You install security lights on your house and garage but leave both unlocked.

You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

You carry jumper cables in your car and use them often.

You know what “cow tipping” and “snipe hunting” is.

You only own three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup.

You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

The Arkansas lad was obviously deeply troubled.

"Why so glum, Chum?" asked the kindly stranger.

"If my parents get divorced...will they still be brother and sister?"

A man was driving along a freeway when he noticed a chicken running along side his car. He was amazed to see the chicken keeping up with him because he was doing 50 MPH. He accelerated to 60 MPH and the chicken stayed right next to him. He sped up to 75 MPH and the chicken passed him up. The man noticed the chicken had three legs. So, he followed the chicken down a road and ended up at a farm. He got out of his car and saw that all the chickens had three legs. He asked the farmer "What's up with these chickens?"

The farmer said "Well, everybody likes chicken legs. I bred a three legged bird. I'm going to be a millionaire."

The man asked him how they tasted.

The farmer said "Don't know, we haven't caught one yet!!!"

City Lady: Look at that bunch of cows.

Cowboy: No, herd.

City Lady: Heard of what?

Cowboy: Herd of Cows.

City Lady: Sure, I have heard of cows!

Cowboy: No, a cow herd.

City Lady: What do I care what a cow heard? I have no secrets from a cow!

On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"

To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"

A New York City yuppie moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks.

"That's a lot of chicks," commented the proprietor. "I mean business," the city slicker replied.

A week later the yuppie was back again. "I need another 100 chicks," he said. "Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming," the man told him.

"Yeah," the yuppie replied. "If I can iron out a few problems." "Problems?" asked the proprietor. "Yeah," replied the yuppie, "I think I planted that last batch too close together."

In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.

To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."

Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.

"Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's yet another wee one to come."

Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby.

"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man... It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor.

The new father scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor: "Do ya think it's the light that's attractin' them?"

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull." Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull." Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Jennie, pull." Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull." And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"