Daily Jokes - Everyday!

Q: Why wasn't the vampire working?

A: He was on his coffin break.

Why are black cats such good singers?

They're very meowsical.

Q: Why did the vampire's lunch give her heartburn?

A: It was a stake sandwich.

The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items.

I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office."

The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, lady," he said, "but I think it's too late!"

10. You get winded from knocking on the door.


9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.


8. You ask for high fiber candy only.


7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.


6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.


5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.


4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.


3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.


2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.


1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.

Q: What kind of music do mummies listen to?

A: Wrap!

Q: Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?

A: Because he didn't have any guts.

Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.


Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.


"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"


"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"

What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween?

Ghoul-aid!!!

Here are the Top 10 Types of Houses that your should take special care to avoid during Trick-or-Treating:

10. Any house that seems to be sinking or imploding into a hole in the ground.

9. Any house made of gingerbread with lots of frosting.

8. Any house that has ornamental lawn Hell Hounds and Gargoyles.

7. Any house whose only entrance is through the basement.

6. Any house where all the windows are glowing with eerie green or red light.

5. Any house that keeps growling, "Get out" or "Come in"

4. Any house where the trophy animal heads on the walls are moving or talking.

3. Any house that has a bloody wood chipper prominently displayed in the front yard and is running.

2. Any house with a yard full of statues of people in odd running poses.

1. Any house that wasn't there a couple of minutes ago.