Daily Jokes - Everyday!

Mother:  The best time to take a bath is just before retiring.

Sammy:  No wonder Grandpa didn't retire until he was sixty-five!

Jim:  My father has Washington's shoe.

Jeff:  That's nothing.  My father has Adam's apple.

A teacher called for sentences using the word "beans."

"My father grows green beans," said the star student.

"My mother cooks lima beans," said another pupil.

Then a third student added:  "We are all human beans."

If a man crosses the ocean twice without taking a bath, what is he called?

A dirty double-crosser!

This duck walks into a convenience store and asks the clerk, “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk says no, and the duck leaves.

The next day, the duck returns and asks, “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk again says no, and the duck leaves.

The day after that, the duck walks in the store again and asks “Do you have any grapes?” The clerk screams at the duck, “You’ve come in here the past two days and asked if we had any grapes. I told you no every time that we don’t have any grapes! I swear if you come back in here again, and ask for grapes, I’ll nail your webbed feet to the floor!!”

The duck left, and returned the next day. This time he asked, “Do you have any nails?” The clerk replied, “No,” and the duck said, “Good! Got any grapes?”

Dad:  Billy, what did you learn in school today?

Billy:  I learned to say, "Yes, sir," "No, sir," "Yes, Ma'am," and "No, ma'am."

Dad:  You did?

Billy:  Yep!

Tim:  "I haven't slept for days."

Jim:  "Wow, you must be tired."

Tim:  "Not really.  I sleep nights."

What was the witch's favorite subject in school?

Spelling!

What was the favorite game at the ghosts' birthday party?

Hide and shriek!

What kind of shoes to do ghosts wear?

Booooooo-ts!

Father:  "Look at all these bill!  Rent, heat, water, food, clothes, gas -- the cost of living is going up on all of them.  I'd be happy if just one think went."

Son:  "Here's my report card, Dad!"

Two Hollywood goats found some old film and began to eat it.

"Is it good?" asked one.

"Yes, but I liked the book better," was the reply.

Frank:  "How can you tell a dogwood tree?"

Mary Lou:  "By its bark!"

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Catsup.

Catsup who?

Catsup a tree!

Question:  What's the longest word in the English language?

Answer:  SMILES -- there is a mile between each "S"!